Tuesday, 17 October 2017

#MeToo


The #MeToo movement is something that has taken the twitter sphere and other social media by storm, I have spent the better part of my social media browsing over the past few days reading shared stories, woman standing tall refusing to stay silent any longer, I have been quietly mulling over the voices in head, I mean surely this doesn’t apply to me I am one of the woman who has thankfully never been assaulted or harassed… right?

The more I thought about it the more I realised how far from the truth this is, why could I not see it? Have we become so accustomed to these behaviours that we dont see it? 

I grew up as the chubby girl, the girl who was too loud when she needed to be quiet, I spoke my mind where it was deemed inappropriate and I didn’t have the figure or looks that so many of my friends or peers had, so I am not exaggerating when I say I had plenty of male friends but romantically men or boys actually just weren’t interested. Even my elders would tut tut over how I had such a lovely face if only I could lose some weight and learn to hold my tongue, boys and men didn’t like overweight woman with a voice. This all changed in high school grade 11 when I developed a body image disorder and lost half my body weight.

Suddenly things changed I was no longer the ugly duckling so to speak of my group or the chubby one that boys ran a mile from, I was no longer the last choice and this was a huge problem, besides the body image and eating disorder it affected the way men/boys approached me, reacted to me and treated me, in many cases I had been one of the boys so to speak for so long that the lines between what was or wasn’t appropriate were incredibly blurred and in other cases it was seen as a great opportunity my self-esteem and image of myself were so shot to hell I made for an easy target. 

I didn’t know what to do with the new attention I was so used to being the one left out that now if a guy touched my behind or grabbed me from the front which happened all too often, all I could do was giggle with embarrassment, boys being boys right?

When one of my boyfriends wanted to take things further and I said no and he pushed on, I didn’t see it as rape or forcing me against my will I just thought well I must have done something to make him think this is what I want and I “allowed” and stopped fighting it because in my head I had led him to believe this is what I wanted and now I had to give it to him, I was in the wrong, I was the whore who led him on. I have been called a tease more than once for pushing a guy away and saying no this is how we are conditioned, how society affects our girls and woman.

There were times when I saw my friends in situations that were just not ok and yet nothing was ever said, there were times when we were grabbed and then told we had asked for it because we were all dolled up and wearing clothing that was asking for it, if a man is running topless on the beach can I just go up and grab him and say hey you were running half naked on the beach you were asking for it, erm nope and please don’t get me wrong I know not all men have the mentality this movement speaks of there are so many awesome men in the world I myself am mom to three boys as well and it horrifies me that they are being brought up in a society that deems it fit to shame woman for trying to voice these issues.

Even in my working career now as an adult I have seen how men’s approach to you can change having drastically lost weight in adulthood as well I have gone from being the overlooked girl behind a desk to being on the other end of many a sexual innuendo and ‘joking’ invitation, we as woman are taught by society to brush it off as such; a joke, we are taught to ignore or play along to deal with it in order to stay in our colleagues and superiors good graces, to keep our jobs and our careers, when in many cases it is so far from it and would be considered sexual harassment, in order to get a job we are conditioned into wearing tight skirts and revealing blouses in job interviews, I have seen the reaction of many men when it comes to interviews and how they always lean towards the hiring of a girl with a pretty face and short skirt, I have seen how when those woman leave they will remark to each other inappropriately… It is NOT ok!!!

It is not ok that society teaches woman that to get ahead in our careers and in life in journal we need to keep silent and submit to the needs and whims of men.

It is not ok that when we say no and are ignored the justice system and society further fails us as woman and chooses to ignore and cover up rather than help.

It is not ok that society is teaching our boys that this behavior is appropriate and teaching our girls that they need to keep silent.

I know that not everyone has a story that they feel comfortable enough to share but we can still support each other and create a voice that will be heard together, we owe it to ourselves, to each other and to all future generations of both girls AND boys.

Monday, 16 October 2017

The maternal shift- 3 years post my hysterectomy




* Be warned that this post includes what may be to some TMI, I have tried to be as lady like and cautious in most respects surrounding womanly things but if it’s not for you I suggest you skip this one.

I have ALWAYS loved babies and children ALWAYS, no lies I always envisioned myself as a mother, even as a small child I would gush over every baby that I came across, I would hold them, coo at them the works so it was a given that I could not wait to become a mother in my own right one day.

Then I fell pregnant at the age of 18 and welcomed Loghan with open arms and heart at the age of 19.
My mother always said that before she had children of her own she loved children and other peoples children just as I did but that when she had children of her own she lost her whim and patience, she even remarked that once she became a mother she realised that she was not made for motherhood, which seems drastic and harsh but over time I have come to agree with her, and it’s not that she is anything less than an awesome mother who has given everything she can for us however I think that mentally and emotionally motherhood took a toll on her and changed her in ways that she weren’t exactly for the better.